From Ko Tao to Ko Phi Phi

March 17, 2012
Happy Saint Paddy's Day!  There is an Irish bar in town here on Ko Phi Phi that will most likely be full to bursting tonight and Chad saved his new green t-shirt to wear today! He had to buy two new t-shirts because the ones he brought (3 in total) are falling apart or are white and so now covered in yellow stains from sunscreen so look super ugg. 
The journey from Ko Tao to Ko Phi Phi was one of the most interesting and trying experiences ever!  We took a scooter, boat, tuk tuk, van, another van and then another boat over the course of 18 hours.  I am no longer in the state of mind or body to handle that kind of travel so I have sworn off long transports until such time as I can at least sit comfortably without my ass falling asleep or getting cramps in my legs.  I am definitely feeling these 20 extra baby pounds.
We had to check out of our sweet hotel room on Ko Tao at 11am so we stored our bags and spent the day at the beach.  I was so surprised when I went paddling out to check out the reef that it was teaming with fish and other creatures despite the millions of boats ripping around.  I snorkeled around and took a few photos of some sea urchins, parrot fish, angel fish and lots of baby fish that are much more colourful and brighter than their parents.  Chad met an English army feller who swam out really far with him, so far I lost sight of them for a while.  Chad still needs to learn a healthy fear of the ocean.
We showered off by the pool and decided to go for a massage before embarking on our journey.  We opted for the traditional Thai massage and for 10$ each we got pampered for an hour.  Poor Chad got stripped down to his gonchies because his shorts were still too wet.  He wasn't wearing his nicest pair...in fact they are faded brown with holes and parts tend to flail out with too much motions and these massage parlors are not in the least bit private.  I got to remain fully clothed however and was fawned over by two masseuses because of my inability to lay on my back and the fact that my belly friend was putting on a show for the ladies.  He was dancing up a storm in there causing a lot of belly touching and giggles. 
It was time to catch the boat and an old man with a scooter and a side car came to pick us up.  Barreling down the road in a side car was a bit on the scary side but we made it to the boat with plenty of time as the old guy parted the crowds with his scooter contraption and pretty much budded us to the front of the line.  We sat and waited for an hour while the crew sat on the boat and starred at us smoking cigarette after cigarette until finally they decided that maybe they could start loading the bags.  Finally after a generous amount of time they decided that it was time to go and we had to hurry hurry hurry to get on and find our spots.  This place makes no sense to me.  We found our sleeping "stalls" #'s 73 and 74.  They were approximately 24 inches by 6 feet.  Chad was placed next to another stinky dreadlocked viking and me beside a yellow toothed german with quite the ample bum.  Next to her an extremely loud swede who had story after story of all of her travels through South East Asia and just kept naming off all these places that I couldn't even pronounce that everyone had to visit.  We were provided with mats on the floor and a little pillow thing that I have no doubt has never been washed.  I felt like a refugee tucked into the hull of a boat.  Thankfully we headed out once everyone was loaded and some people didn't even get spots but had to be stowed on deck with only a bamboo mat to sleep on.  The crossing took 8 hours and I slept through most of it despite my back killing me and having to switch from side to side constantly and butt checking the girl beside me.  I am sure Chad didn't have much better of a time as dreadhead girls' golden stink coils (her hair) kept whacking him in the face every time she turned around. 
When we arrived to the mainland it was 4:30am and the tuk tuk driver herded us into a shelter like cattle and wouldn't let us out for some unknown reason.  Had to keep the tourists together or they would stray off I guess.  Once he loaded us into the tuk tuk he made us sit in there while he went off for a bit of a vist and a cigarette with his buddies.  Effing awesome.  I had to pee so bad I made everyone get out again so I could steal off back to the boat.  Chad figured he probably should go too but of course right at that moment so did the tuk tuk driver.  I told the guy to wait but he was rude and impatient where as five minutes before he was not in any hurry at all. Chad had to jump in as the driver started driving before he was even fully inside.  All this hurry and he dropped us off at this tourist office where we had to sit for another hour and a half while the driver of the minibus who was going to take us to Krabi was just getting out of bed and had to shower and change and start the van and pretty much tinker around until he was good and ready.  There were signs advertising noodle soups and toast but the lady at the desk was looking too sleepy and said no she wasn't gonna make anything for us.  Finally at precisely 7am we were allowed to board the minibus.  We were on our way again but of course the driver had to stop at the 7-11 and get some candy and coke for the road.  We drove for two hours and ended up in Krabi at yet another tourist office where we had to wait yet again for another hour while the owners asked us how long we were staying in Ko Phi Phi and if they could sell us return tickets or plane tickets or any sort of tickets....hell they'd sell their first born if you wanted.  We missed the first ferry due to all this waiting and stopping and had to take the next one.  Finally another van came and got us and took us to their ferry terminal where they had real food and AC!  Jesus! I was starting to hate everyone and everything!  The ferry took another two hours with no AC and a decrepit fan to cool a 100 people.  When we arrived to Ko Phi Phi we were bombarded with hawkers saying "boat, boat!" and "where you go?".  I found a representative for our accommodation that I booked the day before but when I told him we were here and needed to be shown the way he looked at me and smiled like an idiot and motioned me to go away.  Moron.  So we found the place ourselves after asking for directions 10 times.  Not caring how disgusting the place was we showered and pretty much passed out until hunger brought us back to life.  Yep, worst trip ever in the history of backpacking.  Soon to come: Ko Phi Phi.